the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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