the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize