im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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