I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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