I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
