If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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