The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
