ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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