Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
