Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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