there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
