Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
