eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
