Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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