Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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