She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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