Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
