Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
As shirtless as possible
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
