Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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