I feel like I'm in dance class right now
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
