So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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