i barfeds in our rink
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
