I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
