I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
