i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Randomize
