so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
