I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize