you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
