I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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