I hate your face
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I woke up under a house in Key West
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