saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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