i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
