she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
vagina is talking i cant
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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