Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Everything about him screamed your future.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
