I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
