I wish my penis had an off switch
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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