Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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