I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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