I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
