Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
