She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
