he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
