she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
