My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
