I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
