i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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