why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
