I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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