Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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