I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
