Bisexual people are plain selfish.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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