ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
