I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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