Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
