The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
