i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
