Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
So squirting runs in the family.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
