oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
