I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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