its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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