You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
