I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
