It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
