You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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