Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
