Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Come on in and take your pants off
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