Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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