birth control should be required to get into college
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
