i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
