Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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