He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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