Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
