This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
