I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
