just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
