when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
