I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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