actually, I'm a sock model
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
