This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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